![]() ![]() Anyway, Ash is asked to go help out with some rioting in the local area and encounters a dickhead called Kane, whose dad is the head of the whole government which means he has some serious entitlement issues and thinks everything should be given to him on a plate or I’LL TELL MY DADDY ON YOU WAAAH comes out to play and it always comes out to play because he’s a giant dickhead. Yeah, Pingu never appears again so bang goes that joke. He’s just broken out of prison and basically you’re out to get him. You get no choice on this choice which is probably a good thing because games that cover as serious a style of plot as this do not always work when you call your character SHITBOOBS or FARTNOSE.ĪNYWAY! Shitboobs McFartnose… sorry, ASH… Ash and his two companions, laughably loudmouthed Diego and stoic and forthright Clint, start off being all covert and capture some massive guy called Zoot (and from this point on, I just call him Pingu and all his dialogue goes ZOOT ZOOT). Not the smoking kind or the tree kind, even though you do sometimes think he might the tree kind, but the name kind. But I don’t mark these things on here so sod that for a game of ancient soldiers and demons. I buy games that are rated 4/10 all the time because 40% IS A PASSING GRADE. But in the UK, getting 40% at university is a passing grade. From a reasonable distance, it’s passable. I usually refer to them as ‘charming’ but even I’m not sure about that, particularly when they zoom in and ALL YOU CAN SEE ARE SPRITES IN 300% CLOSE-UP – that is not a sight to see. I’m not entirely sure they were back then. Like, seriously, these graphics are not good anymore. ![]() They were acceptable back in the early days of the PS1 but now, you look at them and you actually feel violated. These 2D sprites can jar against the backgrounds and can right royally destroy your eyeballs with their nowadays-awful look. It is made up of 3D blocks and 2D sprites. Grammar ATROCITY aside, this is basically what the game looked like. That sounds the perfect recipe for an RPG right there! My my my, how did that happen!īefore I got all plot-heavy on you, let me show you this: One of them dies, you’re basically staring down the barrel of a load gun. However, this is not advisable when your party consists of three people. You can counterattack everything till the cows come home but that isn’t a good idea when essentially what will happen is twelve enemies will attack you in their turn and you have to wait for all of them to finish attacking before YOU can heal yourself BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE A LOT. So here’s the thing: this is a turn-based strategy RPG somewhat in the style of D&D in that characters inhabit the space on one block only, can move a certain number of squares only and can essentially attack one thing ONLY. I’m going to do that when we get to the story anyway. Suffice to say that took me a bit of getting used to. So in order for me to know what the flamin’ ‘ell I’m doing, I have no choice to actually delve into the thing and get on with it. But anyway, the version that I own is in English but the entirety of the manual and the blurb on the back is in every language BUT English. ![]() Spotting this in the pre-owned section of my local computer centre, back before it turned into being just a place that sold computer parts and I’m not entirely sure it still exists because I don’t live there anymore and nobody tells me these things. So you remember when I said that Konami dug their hands into the RPG waters for the first time with Suikoden, forever known as Suikoden 1 to me because REASONS, I did also mention this little overlooked gem that they created. ![]()
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